The Holiday Fun in DysFUNctional
The Holiday Fun in DysFUNctionalWritten by Roxanne Vincent and Deb Voss Quail
Roxanne Vincent and Deb Voss Quail
Everyone claims to come from a dysfunctional family these days. If you believe what you hear, no-one can claim “normal” in their homes anymore! However, successful holidays with family and friends are possible by remembering little things ... A Better Way Learn different ways things can be done by thinking outside of box. We often hear “I’ve always done it this way”. Particularly during times of chaotic activity and extra schedule stresses, it makes sense to seek alternative methods of achieving daily tasks. “Creativity requires an attitude that is a paradoxical blend of attention and relaxation,” explains Joshua Coleman, San Francisco-based psychologist. Involve your friends and family. Empower them to make decisions and to solve day-to-day problems. Let go of rigid demands for perfection, and combine steps whenever possible, particularly during holidays. Leave Your Problems Behind Avoid taking your problems from one situation to another. It’s a new season! Consider it possible that this year holiday festivities will go smoothly; be positive. Even if everything goes wrong, ask “so what?” Columnist and author Barbara Bartlein says, “Love illusion. People like to believe good things, even when they know they aren’t true.” Your attitude around others can greatly impact them. According to great Winston Churchill, “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” By being positive and supportive, others are more likely to act similarly. Knowledge Is Important Most people thrive when skill building and learning are part of their daily experiences. Knowledge does not have to cost a lot. Read! Adults who are happiest, according George Vaillant M.D., are ones who accept changes keep connected to friends and family, and perhaps most important, keep feeding their minds. Especially during holiday season, it is important to keep yourself focused by feeding your mind and expanding your intellectual horizons. The Power of Praise Recognizing and rewarding people is one most powerful ways to impact morale. Acknowledge good effort, not just results. John F. Kennedy said, “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” During throes of holiday pressures, power of praise may do more to diffuse tense situations than any other tactic. Your family, friends, and coworkers are stressed too, so pass along compliments and sprinkle generously with honest appreciation. Besides, giving away praise is fun and makes you feel good as well.
| | Surviving Life After DivorceWritten by Sharon Jacobsen
After divorce, most important thing you can do is to move forward sensibly. Here are ten steps to help you on your way back to a fulfilling life. 1. Think single. As obvious as it may seem, you're no longer one half of a couple and that can take some getting used to. After all, life as a single woman is very different to life you've been leading for a major part of your life. Take time to understand changes that are happening in your life and don't expect it to be easy. 2. Remind yourself that it's ok to be single. In a society where single women are often looked down at by their married peers, they can easily find themselves believing that they're failures; that "real" women are involved in loving, lasting relationships. That simply isn't true. More and more women are choosing to remain single, or to break out of unfulfilling relationships, something which shows strength rather than weakness. Surviving means believing in yourself and your capabilities as a single woman. 3. Don't try to get even. No matter how angry you are at your partner, even if he's been unfaithful to you, don't try to get your own back. You'll just end up exhausting your personal energy on something that isn't going to be least bit fruitful. It certainly won't get him back but bitterness will most likely stop you from moving on. You don't deserve that, so don't do it! Try to approach your anger in a sensible manner, one that will constructive in helping you back to a healthy, emotional state of mind. Writing down exactly what is making you angry and why can often help you to understand and deal with your feelings. Find a friend who'll listen and tell her how you feel. Anger needs an outlet, but revenge isn't a healthy way of venting it. 4. Accept that relationship is over. When you're living alone and your partner has moved on, it should be easy to accept that it's over. Unfortunately, this is something that a lot of women have problems with. You may find yourself making excuses to visit him by forgetting things at his place or needing to discuss something trivial regarding children. Don't crowd him. Talk to him when you need to, visit if you must, but be polite, keep your distance emotionally, and accept that you now lead separate lives. The sooner you accept this, sooner you will be able to find happiness again. 5. Don't live in past. No doubt you've got some great memories from your time together, you would never have stayed together as long as you did if there were never any good times. Remember them by all means, but don't dwell on them. If you find yourself wishing that everything could be "like that" again, give yourself a mental slap and remind yourself that there are some fantastic moments waiting for you in future and that past is nothing but a memory. You can learn from it but you can't change it or return to it. It's over. Gone. The future is what you should be thinking about now!
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